well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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