True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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