I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
