He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
