so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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