The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
