The maid of honor just puked.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
