Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
