you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
