I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
