I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
