The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dicks are not precious.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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