You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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