I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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