The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
