when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
