Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
