I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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