Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
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I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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