I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
