the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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