Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
