We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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