I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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