I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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