Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
