You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I need to stop coming to work sober
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
