Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
