Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
