3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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