you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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