You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
