just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
