Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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