you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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