you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
