i already hear my dad disowning me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
