i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
