I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
