Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
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Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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