i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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