My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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