It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize