They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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