did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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