The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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