dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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