I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
