I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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