Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So much rum. So many feels.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
