I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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