I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
