Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
