Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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