I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize