I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
