What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
