I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
