I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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