hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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