Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
