At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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