WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
