...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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