I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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