i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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