how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
