Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize